March 29, 2015

What to Expect: A post for first timers!

I really love intro sessions! It’s always an honour to introduce a new submissive to the world of kink. Personally it’s very gratifying to feed off the intensity of an experience that for so many is the culmination of years of longing and fantasy.

Of course those contemplating a first session are always anxious, excited and curious about what to expect. Generally my answer to “What can I expect from a session?” is “A BDSM/kink experience at a light to medium level that incorporates your known interests and respects your limits”.

I’m quite sure I’ve disappointed a few newbies with that answer but it’s important to note that very few professional Mistresses will provide a blow by blow description of what will happen in a session. Why is this?

* Functionality. Real play is just that. Real. It’s not edited like the many fetish videos you may have seen. That super hot thing you’ve been dying to try? It may not work for you in real life. During a scene your Domme will be paying close attention to your body language, gauging what is working and what is not. Sometimes the difference between a successful session and a not so great one is the ability to move on from something that’s not working and try something else. The obligation to deliver on a promised script tends to preclude this.

*Timewasters. Unfortunately not everyone who contacts professional Mistresses is sincere. For these people pre-session communication is an erotic experience in itself. They often seek detailed descriptions of proposed session content as a source of free, personalised erotic fiction. This tends to make us wary of questions that amount to “What are you going to do to me?”.

* No spoilers! Quality Mistresses will take care to incorporate your specific areas of interest into the play. Part of what makes a session fun and exciting is experiencing just how your Mistress will use her skill and creativity to bring your interests to life. Of course we want you to enjoy your session time. It makes the session time fun for us as well and obviously makes good business sense.

Need to know more? Many quality professional ladies include reviews and testimonials as part of their online presence as well as talking about their sessions on their blogs and social media properties. Perusing these is an excellent way to get a feel for what a session will be like.

Consent:
Quality consent is informed consent. I encourage new players to research widely so they have information about their kinks (including the risks involved) from various sources.

On Nerves:

Even experienced submissives are always nervous before a session (I’ve been known to note that if you’re not at least a bit nervous before a session it’s probably time to stop sessioning), especially when they’re playing with someone new. A first session can feel like a big step. It’s ok to be nervous but as adults it’s my expectation that the people I play with take responsibility for their own emotions. If you’re nervous to the point where you feel you can’t be reliable or you expect the lady you’ve contacted to cajole you in the door you’re probably not ready to make a booking.

On Appointments:

So you’ve researched the Dommes in your market, worked out who you’d like to see, studied her site and you’re ready to make your fantasy a reality. How do you successfully obtain an appointment?

If you can make appointments with your doctor, dentist or lawyer then you have the skills to make an appointment with a Dominatrix. One of the keys to success is remembering you are booking with a professional.

Every lady is slightly different in their process. Most Dommes will outline how they prefer to be contacted on their sites and/or advertising. Deposits are sometimes required for new clients.

My Booking Process:

Clearly as an independent Domme there’s times when I can’t answer my phone. For efficiency my preference is for contact to be made via email or text message. Obviously if you’re after a detailed consultation email is preferable.

A good introductory email or text will include your name, an outline of your session interests, your limits, any physical limitations you may have and an indication of when you’d like to come in. It’s always best to put a little thought into how to respectfully communicate your interests. “Mistress I’d like to explore anal stimulation and strapon play” tends to read better than “I want you to fuck and finger my slutty asshole.”

Generally an exchange of three to five messages tends to be sufficient to establish compatibility and agree on a suitable time. When we’ve agreed on a time to session you’ll also be given a confirmation time.

I’m happy to chat briefly on the phone but it’s better to arrange a time to do so via email or text rather than trying to happen upon a time when I can give you my full attention.

If for any reason you can’t attend a booking you’ve made it’s common courtesy to make contact immediately which allows your booked time to be re-allocated. Failure to do so will make it unlikely that I will consider future session requests from you.

The Day of the Session:
It’s important that you confirm your session at the time you’ve been given or before. Generally this time will be 2 hours before your session. If you don’t confirm on time I may not be able to see you.

The address of the dungeon is given when you confirm.

I often get asked about preparation. As a general guide you should prepare as if you were about to go on a date. If anal play is an interest you may want to research enema or douche preparation. I am able to give you a small enema prior to play however this can be problematic as the short time frame sometimes means it does not fully expel.

Potential submissives frequently ask me about genital shaving. As a Professional Dominatrix I understand that this is not an option for those who have to be discrete about their session activities and as such never demand it. Neat grooming is always appreciated.

You will also be asked to have a quick shower to freshen up when you arrive.

When you arrive:
I’ll be there to greet you in street clothes. I find this tends to better facilitate pre-session conversation, especially with nervous novices. We’ll sit down for a few minutes to discuss your interests, limits and health limitations. You’ll be given your safeword at this time. This is also your time to ask any additional questions and calm those last minute nerves.
I will then ask you to shower and show you where to leave your belongings.

The Session:
Finally! Playtime!
I’ll let you know exactly where and how I’d like you to await me in the dungeon. When I enter the room in my fetishwear the scene begins.
I’m quite fond of protocol but communication is kept very open in intro sessions. You’ll have your safeword as a failsafe in case you’re really in difficulty but do remember the safeword is there to keep you safe. Not to control the flow of the session. My full attention will be on you and I tend to be quite good at gauging how people are dealing with the play as it unfolds.

Do be a good sport and give the activities a fair try. With this being a new experience you’re sure to come across things that feel a little strange or awkward. You’ll be cheating yourself if you don’t give the new experiences a chance.

Afterwards:
When we’re done playing you will be offered a shower. There’s also normally a few minutes to debrief, have a glass of water and perhaps some chocolate, especially if the play has been intense.

One thing to be aware of in the hours/days following your session is sub drop. Good play tends to raise a lot of endorphins. The downside of this is that it can leave you feeling tired and/or flat afterward. Often just being aware that this is a factor is helpful. It also helps to take extra care of yourself. Get some rest, eat well and stay hydrated. It’s also completely ok to check in with me in the days following the session if you need to debrief.