February 20, 2015

Kink is not a competition.

I absolutely love playing hard. Really riding the edge of an experience is both exhilarating and intoxicating. Of course everyone has a different edge. Not only that the edge can be different from playtime to playtime.

We’re all at different points in our kink journey. Many of us will move on to play harder. Some of us will discover and explore different interests. Some of us will continue to enjoy the same kinks we always have.

Kink communities can be an amazing places for learning and for meeting people. Like other “passion centred” communities there is a tendency for people to invest large chunks of their ego into their kink interests. It can be all too easy to get caught up in comparisons and one one-upmanship. It’s certainly not difficult to find examples of this in fetlife threads!

The fact is that there’s always going to be someone who knows more. Always someone who plays harder. It can be valuable to take a step back and remember that kink is a path for personal development and erotic enjoyment. Not a competition as to who is more hardcore.

Wrapping too much ego around how hard you can play can be a dangerous path for you and your playmates. It’s (more than!) ok to put desired activities on the back burner until you have gained the skills and experience to accomplish them safely. It’s ok to have limits. It’s ok to explore at a pace you are comfortable with.