The ever popular image of Mistress as a cruel, heartless, cold bitch is a fantasy hot button for many slaves…but I’m also aware that my slaves very deeply appreciate the care, attention and intention that I invest in my sessions. One of the most amazing privileges of my role is being able to create and hold a safe space for vulnerable, intimate places in a play partner’s erotic psyche.
There’s so much more to creating that safe space than the physical environment but there’s something very special about walking into the dungeon. Crossing that threshold gives both me and my slaves permission to leave the mundane realities of everyday life behind. The rituals of preparation, dressing, waiting and finally collaring are all important in creating that headspace.
Another important factor in the context of professional play is the uniquely compartmentalized nature of the ProDomme/client relationship. Freed from obligation, baggage and outside influence a uniquely clean emotional canvas can be maintained leaving us free to deeply explore the dynamic of play.
Of course one of the core principles of creating a safe space in a kink context is a respect for hard limits. Quite often when I’m discussing interests and limits with slaves who are new to me they’ll clarify that they’re not into a certain activities they’ve seen me blog or tweet about. I always reassure them that it’s perfectly ok to have limits. After all I get to play with lots of different people with lots of different interests. My needs do get met!
While much is said about safewords I think too little is said about dominant partners paying attention. Communication in scene is so much more than words. It’s absolutely vital to pay close attention to subtle cues – breathing, movement, energy. All of these things tell me how my slave is coping with play.
It should go without saying no discussion of safe spaces would be complete without mentioning due diligence to cleanliness, best practice procedures and risk awareness. It’s always upsetting to see pictures proudly displayed online that show unsafe play or it’s aftermath.
“Hurt but not harm” is a core value of my domination practice. Providing a physically and emotionally safe experience is integral to that principle.
With all that said we cannot forget the other side of the equation. I am always profoundly grateful to have the opportunity to play with slaves who truly bring themselves to session. Thank you for your trust. Thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for your willingness to put yourself in my hands.