Are you brave enough to turn your fantasy into reality?
Almost all of us have erotic fantasies. Some of us have a very dear, reliable favourite fantasy that we like to use over and over, others have an endless smorgasbord of erotic imaginings.
It’s incredibly normal to have sexual fantasies. So much so that many of us even have the same fantasies.
It’s common to underestimate the role that fantasy plays in our sexuality but when you consider the amount of time you spend mulling over your fantasies, seeking out erotic media that depicts them and of course manifesting them into real life or thinking about them when you’re in erotic situations, you will realise that fantasy plays a significant role for most of us.
BDSM and other kink-related fantasies are incredibly common. As a Professional Dominatrix, I have the privilege of speaking to many people about their fantasies and often play a starring role in helping them bring them to life.
Some sexual fantasies aren’t things that would appear as overtly erotic to others, yet to you? They provide that spark of arousal. Many fetishists will recognise themselves here!
Part of what makes a fantasy hot can be that it’s your own, special little secret that you *don’t* share with others…..
But what if you *did* want to share? Sometimes the act of sharing your fantasies, verbalising and savouring the idea with someone else can be enough.
But of course, there’s another option to consider. Not just sharing your fantasies but actually bringing them to life.
Before we move forward into “Can you”, we need to consider “Should you”.
Can your fantasy be executed safely?
Can your fantasy be executed consensually?
What are the real-world consequences that could result from bringing this fantasy to life?
Trained BDSM practitioners such as myself are well versed in the risk profiles of various activities and, very importantly, in how to minimise risk when performing these activities.
However, I always encourage people to research the specific activities that make up their fantasy independently. As a functional adult, part of giving informed consent is actually being informed. Can you identify the risks? Do you know what risk minimisation looks like for that particular activity?
Sometimes aspects of your fantasy can be adjusted to work better in the real world.
Sometimes, a fantasy must remain just that, or perhaps just verbally roleplayed, with like-minded and consenting others.
Are you satisfied that your fantasy is ok to bring into the real world?
Give yourself mental permission not only to experience that fantasy but to ENJOY both the fantasy and the process of making it real.
It’s time to think about how to do that and form a plan.
Preparation can be the difference between a satisfying experience and a disappointment. The more realistic and mentally flexible you are about your experience, the more likely you will be to enjoy yourself.
There will be a gap when you bring a fantasy out of your head and into the real world. It might be a small one, but it will be there. There will be differences. To enjoy the reality of your fantasy, you need to be open to what actually happens. Stepping away from micromanaging the details, giving up control and allowing space for creativity and flow creates a possibility for reality to be even better than your fantasy, especially when playing with an experienced kink provider.
In my experience, the people who struggle most with bringing fantasies into reality are those who hyperfocus on the details of the fantasy that differ from reality.
Some fantasies are relatively simple to bring to life, while others involving multiple cast members, specific locations, etc, can be more difficult to realise. More complex fantasies may take a great deal of time and logistics to make real. This can function to make things even hotter. You can build your anticipation as your plan comes together over time.
So you want to turn your fantasy into reality? Some things to consider:
Most fantasies involve more than one person and a massive deciding factor in you being able to realise a fantasy (or not) is being able to access additional willing people.
If you’re partnered your partner may be more interested than you think in helping you realise your fantasy. Of course with partners there’s always higher stakes for fear of rejection or that sharing a fantasy that could be perceived as being weird or vulnerable may change the way they see you. If you’re in a relationship, you know your relationship best and are best placed to consider if your partner is an option.
You could also seek partners on dating apps, websites such as fetlife or within your local kink or swingers scene, depending on the fantasy.
Of course, a fantastic option for these types of scenarios is a kink professional. Not only do they have the training and experience to bring fantasies into the real world, but they’re also likely to have a network of contacts to draw upon for additional cast members. This option also avoids any additional complications that might come with seeking partners via other avenues.
No matter who you choose to help you realise your fantasy it’s important to remember that you’re interacting with another whole, real person. Some fantasies will have an emotional impact on the other parties involved and this does need to be considered. When it comes to kink professionals and other adult industry providers, it’s important to do your research to ensure that your fantasy is going to be compatible with their offering. Not every fantasy will be an option with every provider. Be respectful, realistic and compassionate when negotiating this.
Does your fantasy require a specific setting? Sometimes the setting is key to making the fantasy work. Some professional dungeons make themselves available for hire, and there are also kinky playspaces like Hedon House that can be used. If you need an audience a kink club or swingers night might work for you. If you’re unsure check with the organisers if the type of scene you’re looking to arrange will be welcome in their space. Do be considerate with “public” and outdoor play to ensure that anyone involved, directly or indirectly is consenting. It’s not ok to make innocent bystanders a part of your scene.
Props and Costumes
What kind of props and costumes will you need to bring your scene to life?
Costumes are a factor that’s going to matter a LOT to some players and very little to others. If it’s a “thing” for you then there’s a lot of fun to be had appropriately costuming a scene. Personally, I’m a big fan of getting dressed up for roleplay scenes, and it certainly does help one with getting into the headspace.
Props wise you’ll need to think practically about what you need to make things happen, and happen safely. Do you need bondage supplies? Safe sex supplies? A big sexy knife? Mentally run through the scene and try to anticipate exactly what you will need on hand.
One beautiful thing about fantasy land is that physical limitations won’t hold you back. Bringing things to reality though? It’s important to be realistic. What injuries, phobias or other limitations do you have? How will they interact with the scene that you’re trying to create.
Fantasy you might be super flexible, able to hold complex bondage positions for hours at a time. Reality you though? You’re going to feel it. The same applies to scenarios that involve pain.
Be realistic about what you can endure and if you’re new to the activity start and build slowly.
Remember to stay safe! Research the risks of the activities you want to take part in. Think through how you can make things safer. Have supplies for safer sex and safer kink available. Vet new to you play partners and thoroughly research any providers that you’re involving in your scene.
Establish safewords. Ensure everyone is on the same page about what will happen if a safeword is called.
Be aware that some activities require preparation to go smoothly. Anal play is a prime example of this. You’ll need to work out how to effectively cleanout so that you can feel comfortable and confident enacting your anal fantasy. Likewise, if your fantasy involves fisting, you’re very unlikely to be successful if you haven’t put in some homework before working on stretching and relaxation.
Sounds like a lot, doesn’t it?
Let’s circle back around to something we discussed above. Unless you’re a particular personality type, not every detail of the fantasy will need to be just so, like it was in your head, for it to be a good experience for you.
Realise that your fantasy doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If things start to feel too complicated or overwhelming to turn into reality, break it down into its essential parts.
What are the essentials for you to have a good experience? What do you really need?
What details can you do without? Not every detail is important.
What aspects of the fantasy really turn you on?
What themes turn up in your fantasies? What do your fantasies have in common?
Most importantly, how do you want to FEEL? What feeling are you seeking, really? It may take some work to uncover what this feeling is. It can help to think about the porn, erotic fiction and the imaginings that you have and try and identify common denominators.
What if I tried it and didn’t like it?
Sometimes, bringing your fantasies into reality can be a letdown. However, if you think about your “first times” in general, they’re often not your “best times”. If the experience was just ok, not brilliant there’s definitely grounds to think about refining and trying again. At least now you have some information about what didn’t work for you and what can be done better the next time.
If you really did NOT enjoy it, it might be time to reassess. There’s no need to try again. Some fantasies just work better outside the realm of reality.
Ready to bring your fantasy to life? Or perhaps you might like to be part of mine? If you think that our fantasy worlds might align, it’s time to reach out. Click through to my “Apply to Serve” page to start making your BDSM fantasy a part of your reality.