March 17, 2021

Defining FemDom – What is Female Domination?

What is FemDom?

At its simplest, FemDom is derived from the terms Female Domination and Female Dominance. But there’s a lot more that needs to be teased out before it can be understood since it’s used in such a wide range of ways. It can be a kink, a lifestyle or both. The term FemDom is widely used to characterise D/s relationships, scenes or interactions where the woman involved takes the dominant role. It can also be used as a noun to describe a woman who identifies as Dominant.

Sydney FemDom Mistress JadisAt the same time, it often seems to be used far too narrowly. While many definitions focus strictly on heterosexual interactions, it’s my belief that the defining factor as to whether something is FemDom or not is the dominance of the woman, rather than the gender of the person submitting. It’s a celebration of feminine power; but I would argue, feminine power in its own right, not necessarily power over men.

While researching this post I noted that many sources seek to define FemDom as a strictly sexual practice of dominance. While FemDom CAN be sexual, in a simplistic PIV/Oral sex sense, many practitioners see it as more of an all-encompassing erotic practice and/or lifestyle involving a consensual exchange of power. With the focus often removed from more traditional, genital sexual practices Female Domination and BDSM, in general, opens doors to a more holistic, full-body sensual experience.

It’s unsurprising that much of what we see/hear about FemDom via more superficial sources focuses on the sexual aspect. The lens through which we often observe FemDom is often heavily tinted by male fantasy. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with fantasy fulfilment of course, but Female Dominance in its true essence is about women’s desires, women’s agency and women’s power.

Fundamentally FemDom should be based around the pleasure, desires, needs and whims of the dominant woman. Whilst in fantasy land the above is the absolute, real-life FemDom relationships and scenes also take into consideration the safety and needs of the submissive.

Healthy and fulfilling FemDom is a pleasing balance between female authority and willingly given devotion, respect and service from the submissive in the equation.

What isn’t FemDom?

It isn’t feminism. Feminism is a movement that strives for equality between the sexes. As you can see above, Female Domination isn’t about equality. On the contrary, it’s about consensually enjoying an inegalitarian dynamic. It does align with feminism in that it empowers women. Many, but not all, Dommes do identify as feminist, as do many submissive women.

It isn’t a catfight. High school type “Mean Girls” behaviour, competing for male attention and attempting to raise oneself up by pushing other women down is antithetical to the widespread embrace of feminine power. Confident, mature, embodied Female Domination thrives on sisterhood and collaboration.

It is not abuse. It’s a consensual, mutual power exchange that is fully embraced by both the Dominant woman and the person she’s dominating. The surrender of control in BDSM is both negotiated and revokable. It can be a deep, multifaceted power exchange that involves many areas of life, or it can be a short, casual scene but at its heart, it’s based on trust and respect. There is MUCH more to be said on this particular topic but I don’t feel that this post is the correct space to elaborate further.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my thoughts on the nature of FemDom. Female Dominance is transgressive and evolving by its very nature and will continue to change as time passes.

I’d like to thank Princessa Natasha Strange for kindly organising the FemDom blog hop event that this post is part of. I hope to be able to participate in more FemDom Society events in future and particularly enjoyed the inspiration to explore this particular topic in more detail. Keep an eye on my twitter as I will be promoting other blog posts in this series. For those ready to take the plunge and start exploring my “What to Expect” master post provides in-depth information on your first session.