Republished here as Kate’s blog is no longer online.
1. How would you describe your role in the sex industry? As a Dominatrix I deal with erotic expression that falls outside the standard vanilla “box”. Kink, BDSM & Fetish,.specifically experiences where people want to be topped in some way.. My job is more varied than most would imagine. Some of my sessions conform to the whip wielding, order barking, latex clad stereotype but not all my sessions are like that. So much of what I do is providing a safe, non judgemental space for erotic expression that happens to fall outside the mainstream.
As my job involves being compensated for my erotic labour I identify as a sex worker. I am proud to stand beside my peers in other parts of the adult industry. This can be a controversial position in the world of professional BDSM partially because many who are unfamiliar with sex worker activism believe that the term “sex worker” applies only to full service workers. Many Dommes identify as being entertainers, therapists or similar. Their reasons for this can include marketing (clients can have real trouble reconciling the pedestal they like to put their Domina on with their preconceptions of what sex work looks like) and attempts to create distance from other parts of the sex industry in order to personally avoid legal problems, stigma and whorephobia. I believe similar controversies also play out in the exotic dancing world.
2. When did you decide that this form of work was for you? I was a rebellious goth teenager who attended a very strict religious school and I’ve had an interest in kink (specifically sadism and control)for as long as I can remember. So obviously the idea of being a Dominatrix was very appealing to baby me! I did try out professional domination for a few months in my very early 20’s but that was only a brief foray in a not very well managed house environment. I truly settled on Domination as a career when I met Mistress Servalan and began my apprenticeship, over eight years go now. In hindsight I’m glad things turned out as they did. I entered my domination career with more life experience, sound business skills from working corporate jobs and a better idea of my personal boundaries.
3. If I say the word “sexuality”, what does that word “sexuality” mean to you? Sexuality is the realm of erotic feeling, response and expression and the form that realm takes for different people in terms of identity.
4. What are some tips that you may wish to give a person of any gender who is wishing to explore their sexuality? We’re all bombarded with so many images of what sexuality should look like which makes it difficult sometimes for us to work out what our sexuality actually involves. Sometimes it’s helpful to take a step back and think about what actually makes us feel good as opposed to what we know we’re supposed to perform. Consent, communication and a commitment to treat sexual exploration as an ongoing process are essential. We’re so fixated on orgasm as goal that we forget that so much of the fun is in the journey.
5. As a Professional Dominatrix, how do you assist people in understanding their sexuality? I think the primary way that I assist people in understanding their sexuality is providing a safe yet boundaried space for them to explore. The boundaries are important – they mean that what happens in the dungeon does not impact the rest of that individuals life. I’m good at finding the themes that connect people’s interests together which tends to provide sound direction for further exploration. It’s actually quite rare that I’ll see someone for just one session which allows trust to develop over time and enables greater exploration.
6. If there was one message to the BDSM community you would like to give, what would it be? Kink really does not need to be an arms race! The scene suffers because there’s too much ego fed posturing and one-upmanship. We’d all learn more and have more fun with kink if we had a bit more perspective. Share skills and information because you want others to enjoy too not to prove your superiority.
7. In reverse, as a member of the BDSM community, what one message would you like to give to those not in that specific community? Despite what many will tell you there is no one true way! If you’re interested in exploring kink there’s a multitude of ways to do it, one of which is probably going to be right for you. It’s YOUR sexuality. Take responsibility by acting ethically, researching widely and exploring at a rate that you are comfortable with.
8. Being a Professional Dominatrix is a huge role to play. Who are you when you are not in this role? Or do you try and keep that part of you to yourself? I’m a lifestyle perv as well as a professional one so there’s actually not a huge separation between work me and day to day me. Day to day me is just more comfortably dressed, rantier, geekier and lazier.
9. Are there any other areas of sex work that you would like to explore in the future? Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? I’d like to be still working as a Professional Dominatrix in 10 years time, maybe on a grander scale! I’ve been curious about tantric massage for a while but domination really is my passion.
10. Finish this sentence. “In a perfect world,……” Eeek! So difficult to answer given that I tend toward the wildly idealistic! I’ll take the easy out and say that In a perfect world I’d have ALL Of that current Wheels & Dollbaby collection.