I’ve quite often mentioned that I love the variety I experience working as a Professional Dominatrix. I’m lucky enough to engage in many different types of kink play with many different people. There’s lots of different approaches to play – for some (often lighter players) sessioning is just a fun, erotic form of entertainment. As I tend to enjoy playing hard and pride myself on my ability to create intense experiences, many of my slaves treat their sessions with me with a bit more reverence.
No matter if your play style is heavy or light, casual or serious proper preparation will (a)please me and (b) greatly enhance your experience. Here’s some ideas on how to prepare to get the best from your time in the dungeon.
Research: Know what you’re likely to experience in session so you can mentally prepare. If you’re new to kink or trying a new activity, take responsibility for your pleasure and safety and spend some time reading up so you have an understanding of the risks and rewards. While kink porn can be useful in this process be aware that it should not be your only source of information. Just because something has been filmed does not make it safe.
Almost all reputable Professional Dommes will have a website. Some will also have social media properties, blogs and participate on forums. Take the time to read about her interests, limits and requirements. You’ll be better prepared for the experience and much more likely to avoid obvious blunders (like requesting things she’s listed as hard limits) that could mean you are denied an audience with her.
Communicate: Take some time to think about what you want to get out of your time in the dungeon. How do you want to feel? What activities do you want to experience? What are you curious about? What are your hard limits?
Remember that your play partner will also need to know about any medical problems that may be relevant as well as any phobias or probable emotional triggers.
Timewasters are an unfortunate reality for most Professional Dommes so it’s important to be both polite and concise when communicating prior to meeting. Few of us like scripts, novels or demands but with a little thought it’s not difficult to politely convey your core interests.
I also will take five to ten minutes prior to the session to discuss your interests and limits in person.
Safeword: Be clear on the safeword before play begins. Mistress Servalan and I use “Fluffy Kittens” as the safeword in our sessions. Mistress Servalan has an excellent post about the use of safewords here.
Create Space: Time in the dungeon can feel like time in another world – away from the mundance cares and stresses of real life. When I’m playing there’s a focus and clarity that I find is rare to experience in other situations. It can be useful to think about what works best for you to enable yourself to let go. Give yourself permission to really be present for the experience. Some people do this by always preparing the same way (ritual) others will shake out tension or practice meditation or deep breathing. Experiment and see what works best for you.
Hydrate: Make sure you drink plenty of water in the 24 hours prior to play. You’ll be more energetic, better able to handle the physical stress of play and way less likely to experience dizziness or fainting.
Eat: A large meal before play is not a good idea. Being sluggish from food coma is not conducive to a successful erotic experience. Likewise being lethargic from low blood sugar never works well! Make sure you have a light snack in the hours leading up to the session so your body is sufficiently fuelled to play.
Stretch: Play can be quite physical so a little light stretching beforehand is often a good idea. This is especially important if you’re a fan of heavy bondage or stress positions.
Exercise: Maintaining a reasonable level of fitness will enhance your enjoyment of play. You’ll have more energy, be more flexible and recover better. However if you do participate in any intense sports or fitness activities it’s best not to do so in the days leading up to a session. If you’re recovering from intense exercise you won’t be at your best for play.
Cleanliness: slaves are expected to shower at the dungeon after the pre-session chat. There’s also mouthwash provided so that they can be confident that they’re fresh and clean for me. Last week I posted a link to a method of anal cleansing that’s suitable for lighter anal play. Those interested in fisting or other heavy anal are advised to administer an enema or a series of enemas a few hours prior to play. This gives time for the enema to do it’s work and be fully expelled to avoid accidents.
How do you like to prepare for kink play?
I’m often asked about how to get involved in the kink scene. If you’re serious about getting out there, getting involved and meeting people my best advice would be to get out there and do it! Use online resources but don’t get caught up spending too much time browsing profiles and messaging. You’ll quickly become frustrated with the fakes and flakes. Your best course of action is to use sites like fetlife and xxxsexguides to find out about events in your local area. Attending munches, club nights and play parties will allow you to meet people in your local scene. Be respectful and friendly. You may be lucky and find someone you click with quickly. However in most cases you will need to be realistic and accept that it may require a considerable investment of time and energy to build connections that may lead to play.